So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
