doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
