i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
