my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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