I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
