so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
