You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
