It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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