I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
