my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
