So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
