she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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