God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He literally asked permission to hit on me
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
