well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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