everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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