i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
