but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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