Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The adults are the big ones right?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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