I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
