Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
