Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
