I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
