I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
