So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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