I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
