And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I look excited, but its just a facade.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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