So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
so much tequila, so little girl.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
