I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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