I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
