we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
