literally had 100 drinks last night.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
