Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
