Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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