member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
