Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
