I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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