heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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