if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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