Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
