i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
