There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
