it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
