im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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