your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
True college students do jello shots in the library
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