That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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