So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
