I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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