what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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