ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
