I will die if light touches me.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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