My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
