she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
