It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
