like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How does one acquire holy water?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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